50th Issue Fun, 50 Years From Now…
Payson News Headlines from May 5, 2073
By Paul Frommelt
Mayor Evans Brings NUASU
Kenny Evans III says productive talks are ongoing regarding Northern Union Arizona State University (NUASU) coming to Payson. “We fully expect construction to begin this summer, and classes should start up for the Spring Semester, of 2074. Ongoing negotiations continue and look promising” said Mr. Evans. “We may need to downgrade the number of students from the hoped for 5,000, to perhaps 100. Details still need to be worked out. The Roundup will carry a story of the amazing progress in a future issue.”
Council to Increase Sales Tax
The town council is set to discuss yet another increase in the sales tax. “Money doesn’t grow on trees” said Mayor Evans III. “If you want to get your roads repaired, we need the funds to do it.” The town council is targeting a goal of 18% sales tax rate. That’s an increase from the current 17%. Talks were tabled last December, regarding eliminating the grocery tax, currently at 7%. “There’s no money in the budget to allow the grocery tax to end” said the town manager. The Splash Pad is still on the table, but the town has requested another study, to explore the town’s ability to build the Splash Pad, which is now long overdue. The demolition of Taylor Pool is set to resume, with no plans insight to replace it. The town has budgeted another study to review the environment study done last year. “At this time, there’s no money in the budget for a pool” said the town manager. “The town is still in discussions with MHA to partner with the community to create a state-of-the-art aquatic center, but details still need to be worked out,” he said.
Four Motorists Killed
Four motorists were killed last week in a traffic incident, when the vehicle they were traveling in, disappeared in a pothole. That brings the total to 25 fatalities this year alone, due to potholes swallowing up vehicles. Currently, the town has “no money in the budget” for road repairs, without a tax increase, according to official town statements.
Arizona Released 9,302,555
The State of Arizona reported the final numbers for illegal apprehensions at the border for last year, 2072. A total of 1,103,929 ‘undocumented citizens’ were reported taken into custody and released. That brings the total caught in Arizona to 9,302,555 over the past decade.
Inflation Soars to 46.2%
The official inflation rate in the US decreased to 46.2% for the month of March. “That’s great news” said Vice President Karine Jean-Pierre. “It proves that the policies enacted by former President Hunter Biden are working” she said.
US Dollar Dead
The value of the US Dollar fell once again against the Chinese Yuan, which is the official world reserve currency. That brings the value to 0.1426 to 1 Yuan. Members of the World Bank are set to convene their next meeting in May to discuss the current crisis of the US dollar.
Barron Trump Arraigned
Barron Trump is set to be arraigned next week in Palm Beach Florida, to answer to charges that his late father, former President Donald Trump, was never charged for jay walking in 2015. Special circumstances, put into law in 2025 by the majority democrat party, allow for the criminal prosecution of children of felons. The charges have been elevated to a felony and the statute of limitations have been waived once again, for this special case.
The California State Supreme Court overturned a 5th circuit court of appeal decision that had made it illegal for adults to marry their pets. “Love should be legal for everyone” stated a spokesperson for the court, who wished to remain anonymous.
Farewell Concert XXI
In the world of entertainment, Keith Richards Mick Jaggar, and Willie Nelson have agreed in principle for another “Farewell Concert” at the end of Summer. “It’s something the three of us have been planning for a long time” said Mr Richards. Tickets will go on sale in June, 2073.
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